Annual Airing of Grievances | Festivus 2016
1. Everyone who voted FOR Donald Trump. You people deserve everything that’s coming.
2. People who flat out refused to be practical about politics all year. I don’t want to hear you cry ONCE in the next four years. KTHXBAI.
3. People who believe they should only pay taxes for stuff they personally like or want to use.
4. People who police other people’s food choices on the internet.
5. White Nationalists. FUCK ‘EM.
6. Texas politicians who want to penalize women that don’t subscribe to their religious beliefs by taking away their healthcare.
7. People that deliberately make and spread false information online. You are immoral dick warts.
8. Dudes that actually feel threatened by feminism and need to deride women to feel better. You are pathetic and weak.
9. The incessant conversation about hijab inside and outside the Muslim community. As if there was NOTHING ELSE TO DISCUSS ABOUT ISLAM.
10. People who have made a career out of demonizing Muslims for political gain & profit. You people are the scum of the fucking earth.
11. Clickbait headline writers. Kiss my ass.
12. People whose idea of activism is just signal boosting to other like-minded folks on social media. Please.
13. Muslims who pile on at the hint of any controversy and justify their defamation of fellow Muslims with religious rhetoric. #CRABSINABARREL
14. People who romanticize war, and ALSO, people who live in a fantasy world where anyone who engages in it is pure evil.
15. People who compose ‘Share if you Agree’ statuses on Facebook. Every time one of those is shared, a kitten dies.
16. Conspiracy theorists. You people are boils on the butt of society. Alex Jones is your King Boil.
17. People who are rude and abusive and then blame others for not ‘getting the message’. You’re doing it wrong, jackass.
18. People who look for reasons to be offended. Just fucking stop.
19. People who are all talk. Who think that they are doing us all a favor by gracing us with their ideas, but who never DO anything. Or worse, want to take credit for what other people are doing.
20. People who think they are smarter than other people, and act contemptuous when someone asks them to explain something.
21. People who put more faith in statistics than in humanity.
22. People who believe they are woke af, but unable to look at an entire situation with intellectual honesty and see where they are adding to or enabling the problem.
23. Those people who try to sell you hand scrub at kiosks in shopping malls. GTFO.
24. Young people that treat old people like they are stupid.
25. People who use bigotry against one group to try to prove that bigotry against another group is wrong.
26. Minorities that want lots of tolerance, support, funding and media attention for themselves; but who would deny it to other minority groups.
27. Muslims who promote sectarianism. You are a liability to the future of Islam on this planet.
28. Anyone who hates being ‘put in a box’, but who tries to force conformity of appearance, opinion and practice within their own family or community.
29. People who believe they represent the ONLY IMPORTANT ISSUE in the world today. They consider everyone else a detractor.
30. People who tell me not to cuss on the internet. Sit the fuck down.