Jummah Reflection: Discomfort Beats Delusion Any Day
Jummah Mubarak, Shabbat Shalom & TGIF.
Sometimes I envy those with righteous certainty, who wield their condescending dogmas like weapons. Those who never question their beliefs, or feel the need to constantly examine their own foundations for cracks.
I used to be one of those people. I remember how comfortable it was to KNOW my own rightness. To have in the palm of my hand a definition of The Cosmic Divine (which coincided so nicely with my own understanding of the world).
This place I live in now is one of perpetual spiritual discomfort.
I spend too much time and energy turning over the questions of existence, transcendence, divinity and humanity in my mind until I’m dizzy and frustrated and despondent. Sitting on the floor of the shower, staring up at the ceiling and wishing I could finally KNOW and put my mind, body and spirit at ease.
It’s the ultimate puzzle: The Universal Equation that I will continue to mull over and attempt to solve until I lose consciousness.
This morning, staring out my window at an overcast sky, I realize for the ten-thousandth time that this is as good as it is probably ever going to get. The answers I seek will always elude me, and my relationship to The Divine is defined by my desire to know, not my knowing. And I want to cry.
I want more than anything to know The Truth.
Then I see those who are Certain wielding their certainty like a blunt object that destroys nuance, personal agency and the gorgeous mysteries of existence… and for a moment I’m jealous of them…jealous of their confidence, and their pride and their sense of Divine Purpose that helps to justify their work and all they want to accomplish in the world…
And I laugh.
Discomfort beats delusion any day.