The Official List of Festivus Grievances for 2016



1. People who have made an identity out of demanding rights for themselves while happily denying the same rights to others.

2. Non-Muslim people who jump into my threads and tell ME what I believe with complete conviction that they are right. Even if their knowledge of Islam has come from the internet, or ‘the couple years I was stationed in Agrabah in ’98’.

3. Atheists who butt into robust intra-faith or inter-faith conversations to let everyone know that ‘religion is the reason the whole world is fucked up’. Sit down, ass. No one is talking to you right now.

4. People who blame everything horrible on one group, all the time. The world is a complex system of fuckery. Please use some nuance in your thinking.

5. People who tell me I should use less profanity if I want to be taken seriously; and/or that it’s not lady-like. Fuck right off, please.

6. The Internet Outrage Machine (TM). I’m all about getting outraged when it’s necessary–but at a certain point, I think this whole outrage thing is just an excuse for not actually getting any real shit done. Ya feel me?

7. People who operate from the position of victimhood at all times. I know lots of actual victims of terrible things who don’t even do that.

8. People who spend more time tearing others down than making a positive contribution to the world.

9. People who have a pet issue that they introduce into every goddamn conversation they are part of.

10. People who claim to follow ‘reason’ and then get pissy when you point out their logical fallacies.

11. People who immediately assume that the reason someone doesn’t agree with them is that the other person is stupid and/or evil. That’s not how this works. That’s not how any of this works.

12. People who want to treat you like crap in public and then ask you for help/favors privately so they can save face. Bitches, please.

13. My husband refuses to eat my world-famous split pea soup. Everyone I’ve ever made it for loves it… and HE doesn’t like it.

14. People who raze through relationships leaving a wake of drama behind them, and then have the audacity to complain that everyone else is the problem.

15. People who, when presented with an opportunity to celebrate a victory for progress, choose to complain that everything is not perfect yet.

16. People who are so married to a method, that they will savagely try to destroy anyone else’s attempts to solve a problem because they are threatened at the idea of anyone else making a difference in some other way.

17. Food police.

18. Clothing police.

19. People who think they are ‘being brave’ or ‘speaking truth to power’ just by complaining about injustice all the time on the internet. That’s just… complaining. On the internet.

20. Celebrity for celebrity’s sake. Also: Engineered public conflicts between celebrities for publicity.

21. The Blame Game. Barely tolerable when done by children; Bloody intolerable when invoked by nation states.

22. Social Media Spam. UGH.

23. People who get mad at you for not getting mad at the same people THEY are mad at. As if it were a deep betrayal.

24. “Progressive” activists who look down on, disparage and make fun of people who haven’t reached the same point they have in understanding sexuality, gender, or race. Meet people where they are, assholes.

25. Religious communities that want their leaders to work for next-to-nothing (or sometimes, NOTHING), and feel justified in doing so because they are doing ‘God’s Work’ and should be satisfied with whatever Heaven Points they are racking up.

26. Individuals, organizations and brands that try to manipulate me emotionally to do, say, believe or contribute what they want.

27. The entire layer of fake ‘news’ that separates the average internet user from the facts with it’s speculation, conjecture and hyperbole.

28. People who claim religion and science are incompatible.

29. People who think they can improve, reform or positively impact any community from the outside; and/or by throwing that community under the bus.

30. People who think peacemaking and interfaith activism is an exercise in denial or glosses over real issues. Please. Shut the fuck up. It’s much easier to sit on one side and lob diatribes back and forth at people who disagree with you than it is to work through the layers of shit that are built around conflict or misunderstandings. Facilitating the break down of fear, anger and rhetoric so that people can relate to one another as humans takes patience, humility and a lot of self-control. It’s not work for the emotionally, intellectually or spiritually immature. KTHXBAI.