Blog 4.23.24
Today I have a break in the writing action because it’s time to clean the damn house. Back when I was working full-time and raising two kids, I used to be much more fastidious about keeping up with it. It’s amusing to find that the more time I have, the less I want to use it for cleaning. Anyway, the house isn’t filthy – but it’s about time for a good scrubbing and polishing.
As I’m cleaning today, I’m going to be mulling over this blog post, titled “No One Buys Books”, which I read first thing this morning over a cup of tea. Initially, it felt like a punch to the gut. No one who sits down every day and works their ass off on something wants to hear that their efforts are, in all likelihood, a vain pursuit. After all, what’s the point of writing novels if no one is going to actually buy and read them?
But as I pulled back, I began to realize a sense of liberation. There’s never been a single moment of my life where I’ve felt rewarded by being accepted into the status quo – even when I managed to pull it off. Pretending to want to be a part of the establishment, to be adored by those that don’t see or understand me, and having arbitrary value placed on my work by people I wouldn’t want to entertain in my own home is not my idea of success. The idea of chasing public opinion via an industry that is completely focused on profit is not my idea of art. And, at the end of the day, I am an artist.
Maybe I’m not even a good artist at this point. I’m ok with that. I can work to improve. I already do. It’s my M.O. But the important thing is that when I sit down to write, I’m not trying to make something that will be popular. I’m trying to make something interesting that reflects my unique little view of the cosmos. Sure, I’d love to sell books and make money from them. I actually think that’s possible without chasing approval from gatekeepers and a fickle public. And, as it turns out, realizing that I don’t have to go that route is a relief to my creative soul.
The point is, after reading this blog post I realized that – once again – I’m on my own out here. No one is going to “discover” me and turn me into a literary icon. No one is going to give me a huge advance on my novel so I can pay off my house or travel the world. No one is going to roll out a red carpet for an uneducated, middle-aged white woman from Texas who has never been anywhere near the centers of academia and industry that serve as a pipeline for what we, as a society, deem genius.
I’m also not interested in churning out quick-read books in some genre or the other. My stories are odd and discomforting. They don’t give you a sense of ‘the usual’ and I recognize that most people who buy books these days want that. They like their formulaic plots and reliable character tropes. Cool. I like those books sometimes, too.
But I grew up from a young age reading Hunter S. Thompson, Lewis Carroll, Tom Robbins, Ray Bradbury and Madeline L’Engle, not the goddamned Baby-Sitter’s Club. I relish novels that challenge my perception of the world and invite me to experience a pronounced lack of safety on a psychological and emotional level. I like things that are… unusual.
But unusual doesn’t sell millions of copies, does it?
Well, I can’t sit here and lament an industry that has flattened our artistic landscape and the homogenized literary style and then turn around and try to suck its dick to sell my own books, can I?
So what to do? Stop writing? Never!
Because despite the title of the “No One Buys Books” article, the truth is, some people do buy books. I don’t need everyone to buy mine. Not even close. I’m not here for the mass book market, and that’s actually fine with me. I just need enough people to buy them that I can afford to keep churning them out. I have some ideas.
Look, I don’t need to be on TV or NPR or whatever. I don’t need to win awards. What I want – what I really want – out of this whole enterprise is to be able to write books that make my heart sing and find enough people out of the billions on this planet who enjoy them and want to read them. That’s it. It’s actually a very reasonable goal.
