Last night before bed I read a short story that reminded me of a time in my life where I was very much alone in the world. So of course, I had terrible dreams. And by terrible, I mean emotionally fraught. They were the kind of dreams that brought back vivid memories, not just of […]
I spent a lot of years mercilessly driving myself toward productivity. It wasn’t very nice. I treated myself like a machine, and when I couldn’t keep up with the demands that I placed on myself, I’d feel guilty and worthless. This is a particular kind of neurosis that I think a lot of people can […]
I’ve just turned 50 and I’m slowing down. What’s interesting about this is that my slowing down isn’t happening because I’m aging. That part is pretty easy, actually. I just wake up every day and voila! I’m older. But the slowing down – that’s new. And while it’s connected to me getting older, it’s not […]
Whatever your occupation, there’s a long line of younger, hotter, better educated and way more hip and hungry folks who have been fast-tracked on a 30-under-30 list to kick your ass out of the limelight. Deal with it. Or don’t. Society doesn’t give a shit. At midlife you’re simultaneously encouraged to pretend aging isn’t happening, while being penalized for not being able to stop it from happening.
Turning fifty feels so monumental that I've put pressure on myself to come up with something profound to say about it. I suppose a list of life lessons would be apt. Or maybe a retrospective that sums up the totality of half a century with some pithy one-liners wrapped in a witty little bow. Neither of those things appeal to me right now, though.
After several months of valiantly trying to turn out a consistent word count I realized I had jumped into the deep end of the pool before I knew how to swim. This is not unusual for me. I’m known for foolishly running headlong into impossible challenges. But this time, something was different. Writing a novel isn't just a random creative impulse, it's a lifelong dream. I was crestfallen to discover that I sucked at it.
Last month I had the immense pleasure of being interviewed by Dr. Rose Aslan, host of the Rahma With Rose podcast. I hope you’ll have a listen – especially if you are a person who has struggled with religious and/or spiritual abuse. Listen to the episode here.
What I realized this year is that the purpose of life is simply to be alive. Fully. At all times, in all moments. To meet each living thing with respect and camaraderie, recognizing that we are all struggling in some way or another; offering relief without cost; receiving support without shame.
