The 2014 Airing of Grievances


In honor of Festivus (celebrated annually on December 23rd in the tradition of St. Frank of Costanza) my list of 23 Grievances for 2014:

1. Websites that autoplay music or videos when you visit them. Website owners, please understand that this is tantamount to leaning in for a kiss and having someone grab your tit. #Festivus

2. Trigger warnings. Here’s the deal…you get the same trigger warning as everyone else on earth: Life Sucks, and Then You Die.

3. People whose idea of “activism” is sitting on the internet and “raising awareness” of the one issue that they feel strongly about (i.e., the one that affects THEM).

4. Also, people who have one pet issue that they try to drag into the center of every goddamn conversation that happens online even if it’s completely unrelated.

5. Black Fucking Friday.

6. People who use religion as an excuse to hurt, oppress, discriminate against, or take things from other people.

7. Unapologetic Racists. Why are you people still around?

8. Talentless celebrities and the industries that support them. Get these worthless fame whores THE FUCK off my screens.

9. Non-Muslim people who try to school me about my own religion.

10. Muslims that treat me (a convert) as either a trophy or a liability.

11. Unmoderated comments on websites or blogs. I’m fucking over it, y’all. It’s the same old shit over and over, and the more it piles up, the worse it smells.

12. Trolls. What a waste of bandwidth.

13. Strangers who butt into conversations on Twitter to insult one of the participants. If you did that in real life you’d be lucky to escape without getting a pop in your piehole. Ass.

14. Anyone, anywhere who can justify killing children — directly or as ‘collateral damage’. You are, by definition, evil.

15. Anyone, anywhere who can justify torturing another sentient being for any reason. You are also, by definition, evil.

16. Evangelicals.  Any kind.

17. Conspiracy theorists.

18. Anyone who tries to manipulate me emotionally, especially with regard to religion or politics. #NOPE

19. The deliberate and unnecessary politicization of every single goddamn issue in our society. It’s OKAY to work together sometimes, you opportunistic fucks.

20. Anyone who buys into the religion v. science narrative. Just stop.

21. People who think being religious means having no sense of humor. Y’all bum me right out.

22. People who really think the homeless are just lazy.

23. The grotesque display of wealth by the super rich in the face of the extreme global poverty in which the majority of people on this planet live.